Twenty Dollars

from by Richard MacLemale

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about

One in the morning, and I can't sleep. There's a beer in the fridge but I don't want it. Nothing in my life is going right. I'm alone. I pull on my jacket and decide to go look at the fountains in the apartment complex. They're lit up at night. As I'm walking out the door, I find a 20 dollar bill in my pocket. Can't remember how it got there. Normally I'd be pretty happy. Tonight I don't care.

It's windy and cold. I pull the jacket tighter. There is a solution to all of this pain - drive down to the drug store, buy a big bottle of sleeping pills, take them. You don't wake up. What would that do to the people who care about me, though? It would devastate them. They don't deserve that. I don't deserve what's happened to me, either. I can't do that to those people. I tell myself that I won't do anything rash tonight. Tomorrow is another day. Maybe over time things will get better.

No matter how bleak things look, time heals all wounds eventually, and the future is worth seeing. You can end up happier than you were before, happier than you ever dreamed of being. When you are extremely depressed you are incapable of believing it, but if you've been through it, you know that it can be true.

lyrics

Twenty dollars in my pocket
One beer left in the back of the fridge
Twenty dollars in my pocket
Time to go out for a walk in the dark

And it would be so damn easy
Half a bottle would do it
Yeah it would be so damn easy
Fall asleep and you never wake up...

Everybody's got their problems
Mine are much worse than most I would say
Everybody's got their problems
Mine could end up being fatal for me

And it would be so damn easy
Except the pain I'd leave behind
'Cause I wouldn't want to hurt you all
That kinda makes it difficult

Once long ago I was happy
Couldn't believe how lucky I was, and then
My reality ended
Ripped apart before my eyes

The drug store is open this late
One in the morning is nothing to them
Twenty dollars in my pocket
I could wash them down with the beer I've got left

And it would be so damn easy
Much easier than this
You get on with living or dying
Living is harder, but what the hell..

I've got twenty dollars in my pocket
The wind is blowing the tears in my eyes
So I'll go back to my apartment
Tomorrow's another day to decide

And it won't be very easy
The road ahead is so scary
But I gotta keep on going
At least there's one beer left in the back of the fridge

credits

from Every Single Day, released October 1, 2009

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Richard MacLemale New Port Richey

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